Weekly from – 10 am – 2pm
A loving invitation from Karin Mayer
Now that we are OPEN AGAIN, we have more fun opportunities for YOU to help out. We need greeters and microphone tenders, and Zoom tenders and copy makers and kitchen organizers and of course we need YOU and your FRIENDS!
High Desert Welcome Group
Our group is based on positive thinking and positive living. We welcome anyone from the community who would enjoy a mid-week boost of positivity. We meet in the social hall of the Yucca Valley Center for Spiritual Living every Thursday morning between 10:00 AM and 11:30 AM. Our program is an engaging mix of presentations on varying topics with group discussion and live music lead by singer, songwriter, Paul Gerkin. Those who choose to, get together for lunch after. Always good times!
THIS THING CALLED LIFE
“Just Accept It!
How to Stop Deflecting Compliments“
By Merryl Lentz
“You’ve done an incredible job!” “You look amazing!” “That’s an excellent idea!” “You’re such a good listener!”
How do you respond to praise? Do you dismiss it, unable to believe what they see in you? Do you presume that they’re simply being polite, but they don’t really mean it?
Do you force a smile and utter an apathetic “thank you”?
Do you negate compliments such as the ones above by saying, “Thanks, but anyone could do that,” “Thanks, but I looked better when I was younger,” “Thanks, but there are people with better ideas” or “Thanks, but I actually have a hard time concentrating when someone is talking.”
Do you smile, enjoy the compliment, and give a heartfelt “thank you”?
It’s important to acknowledge our strengths. It’s good to allow others to appreciate us, and know that some of the things that we handle with ease may baffle, frighten or overwhelm others.
For instance, someone who struggles with basic multiplication tables may compliment someone who’s an algebra whiz. Algebra comes naturally to them, so they may wonder why it’s such a big deal, and shrug off the compliment.
Or someone who excruciatingly plods through piano lessons may compliment someone who simply sits down and plays by ear. They have a natural aptitude for piano playing, so they may wonder why their playing warrants a compliment.
Trouble accepting compliments may come from a place where we believe we must be humble and self-effacing. It may come from a place where we think we’re not good enough.
That mindset may have been reinforced by family members, teachers and religious figures who strongly felt that humility and not accepting praise or recognition should be encouraged. Modesty and self-deprecation were regarded as admirable traits, and anything else was seen as vain and egotistical.
But, even if some of our skills have been acquired with apparent ease, that doesn’t diminish them. Someone who is good at organizing parties, cooking gourmet meals, or easily connecting with people has talents that many others would be thrilled master.
Yet, even as they’re admiring our abilities, we may only see ourselves as simply muddling through and unworthy of such recognition.
Here are several scenarios where this comes to light:
• At Work
Colleagues may view us as someone who’s proficient in a certain skill set, always happy to train others so they attain competence and mastery. While we may be nonchalant about our level of ability, others may regard us an expert in our field and give us high praise.
We may dismiss these compliments, because we’ve been doing the job so long that we consider it to be no big deal. However, to others, you’ve attained a level of expertise that’s required an admirable level of hard work to maintain.
We may admire others who are richer, more attractive or worldly-wise, but while we’re doing that, they may be looking at our worthy characteristics, and find them appealing and compelling. They may respect our values, our sense of humor, intelligence and companionship. They see us through their lens, which isn’t fogged by our doubts and insecurities.
Is someone you know an academic, but you’re not? Do you see yourself as less accomplished, even a failure, because you’re not attending a university or seeking a professional career?
Maybe those people don’t have athletic prowess, and they admire yours. Maybe you have an artistic flair that they don’t possess, or talents in realms where they have no remarkable skills. They compliment you because what you consider to be deficits, they see as assets.
If you dismiss a compliment:
• It may make the giver feel bad.
• You downplay yourself.
• It dismisses the giver’s opinion.
If you accept a compliment:
• It shows you appreciate the giver.
• It boosts both of your self-esteem.
• It boosts your confidence.
And what if you want to give a compliment? If this is as hard for you as receiving one, you can try some of these “compliment starters”:
• I like the way you ________
• That is an excellent ________
• It was nice of you to ________
• You’re good at ________
• I really like your ________
• That was a great way to ________
• You make me happy when ________
• People look up to you because ________
A few compliment-giving tips:
• Don’t Say it if You Don’t Mean It
Chances are good that it will sound as fake as it it.
• Go Deeper Than A Generic Compliment
Instead of, “I love that shirt,” say, “I love that shirt. The color blue looks great on you.”
• Compliment, But Don’t Go into Raptures
Keep your compliment brief and don’t gush. If you go on and on and on, it will start to sound as if you’re trying to convince them of something which may not be true. And it could also sound like you’re kissing their patootie!
• Give Compliments Unconditionally
Don’t give a compliment and then ask for a favor! It will only sound as if you’re trying to butter them up. And it will imply that you only recognize their assets when you need something.
• Don’t Mix Compliments with Insults
Saying something like, “I think that dress looks awesome on you, but I would have worn a different pair of shoes” will get you nowhere fast.
Accepting praise can be difficult when we wonder if it’s genuine and sincere. It’s hard if we’re insecure or think we’re not deserving. Can we really believe that people think highly of us, and say such amazing things about us?
Yes! Learning to be confident and comfortable with praise, recognition and positive feedback is a gift. Smiling as we say “thank you” is often all that’s required.
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
~ Mark Twain
“How to Use the Science of Mind”
“When we realize that the Law of Mind in action is a mechanical force, all sense of compulsion or trying to make things happen will disappear from our consciousness. We shall proceed on the assumption that thoughts and things are identical. Our time will be spent more in acquiring a consciousness than in trying to make things happen.”
This week’s Wisdom is from:
THIS THING CALLED YOU
“Back of every event,
the slightest effort you make,
the smallest concept you entertain,
there is an inexhaustible reservoir
of life, of imagination, energy and will,
flowing through you into action.
Keep it simple as this,
and think about it
until it becomes as natural to you as walking or talking.”